Tuesday, May 25, 2010

As Buddy would say: "People r the worst folk in the World"

I have the pleasure of working with one of the world most prolific men. His name is Henry "Buddy" Thomas and I love him to death. He's a wise man, who has seen the world change many times, so when he talks, I usually listen intently.

During one of his daily "rants" (though, its not really a rant) he goes to say my newest, most favorite quote:
"You know what baby, People are the worst folk in the world,"
And he's actually right. 

Of course, he means that in a whole different sense, but when you think about it, most of the problems we have in our life are due to people. We have relationship issues, work issues, friendship issues; all due to people. A friend and I were having a conversation recently about "People," Wishy-washy people in particular. I made this statement about protecting your feelings from those who care nothing of them...and the conversation ensued!

See, my philosophy on people is this: People walk in and out of your life for a reason. Mostly to teach you a lesson, mostly because they cannot handle the caliber of person you are.

My way of thinking helps me understand what People really are and what they are capable of. I read People, (its a gift and a curse) so I can get a reading off of what I can rely on them for. If I read that you're a good person, cool the talk to, horrible at being reliable, THEN, chances are I will never call you for anything. If you're not one for hanging out, but GREAT at being a good listener, then I know when I am having a hard day I have someone to talk to. 

See, I'm not one for friends. Not saying that I don't have friends, I have a few. Everyone else is a "Homie." I put People in these categories because like all things, People need to be organized too. Its fcuked up that we just can't love everybody and befriend everybody. It just doesnt work. I've tried. Some People really want true love, true companionship, true friendship--others, NOT SO MUCH. But I do not blame them. I blame what they have been thru. 

So often in my life (in both school and college) I've had fairweather "friends." Ones that speak when its convenient vs. when its right. Ones that never call you at all unless they need something from you. That's fine too. My "People Organizational Skills" have allowed me to identify these People and live my life hurt-free when they go back to their actual ways.

Its completely messed up that I, in a sense, expect People to fail me. It's partly because they do it all the time and it never fails. And believe it or not, 2010 has been the year of "True Colors." I believe in Karma just as much as I believe in Murphy's Law (ya know: Anything that can go wrong, Will). I've never been anything less than Me! I dont know how to be another Person. I'm real with my "Homies" as I am with my "Friends." You can either love me or hate me. It doesnt matter. I'd be long dead before I'd achieve the status of "The World's Most Liked Person." If we're cool, then that's exactly what we are...there's no gray area to factor in. That is until I get the feeling that u take my friendship for granted, then--we're pretty much done! Done that several times.

If you stay true to yourself, your values, your morals, your philosophy, your belief--just look People in the eye, smile, and live your life like you've been unphased.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Body Image Blows

This is my cry for help!
I consider myself a pretty up front and accepting individual when it comes to things. I've never had issues with anything on my body. I've always been happy to be short, to my beautiful chocolate complexion, to be thick, to have my signature "Fox" nose, to have the hair that I have. Nothing ever bothered me. I never wanted to change anything. Never wanted to be anything less than what God created me as.
That was then. THIS is now.
I hate to be critical of myself because I don't like putting myself down. Reducing myself. Its not too healthy (mentally). Unfortunately, that has changed. Over the past year I've gained 45 pounds. 45 straight to the thighs and belly, permanently (or temporarily if your optimistic) disfiguring my curvy shape and hindering me from having a stress free morning when its time to get dressed for work!
I call it "Getting in a fight with my clothes," and most days I get my ass kicked! What gets me the most about my clothing fights is the sheer fact that most of the stuff that used to fit, FIT a couple of weeks to a month ago. Therefore meaning I am (and I have) gained weight at an excellerated rate.
When I finished college in 2008, I decided to change my life around. I joined a gym, stopped eating Pork and Beef, kept a food journal, drank water, controlled my portions, you name it. That all changed when my professions changed.
The harder and longer I worked. The less I ate. The less I ate, the MORE I ate when I ate. I went to the gym once a week if at all. It was a mess. I completely let my work and my life ruin my health and my body. Something I had worked so hard on in the first place.
When I was fit (not skinny per se, but in better physical condition and a bit smaller) I was running, without use of my Asthma inhaler. A HUGE feat for me. I was happy. People could tell the difference. I could tell the difference.
And now...I WANT IT BACK! I started back running. Little bits at a time. I try to work out 3 days a week at the gym and if I don't I run/walk my neighborhood and I do crunches at home. I'm back on my water regiment, I'm watching my portions, I'm making good food choices and I'm taking my vitamins (multivitamin, Flaxseed Oil and B-12 for a metabolism boost).
I'm tired of secretly hating the way I look and crying everytime I get dressed. I'm tired of wearing a body slimmer and not being able to breathe. I'm tired of wearing the same clothes (in different combinations) because nothing else will pull up past my knees. I'm tired of people thinking I'm with child (please don't jinx me). But, most importantly I'm tired of being tired!
I set a goal, to get back down to the 150 I've always been. If I can get back into my size 8 and size 10 clothes, I'll be fine. If I get to a 6 or 7-8, hey, that will be an added bonus, but that's where I'm drawing the line. There is nothing more I love than being thick and curvy. I wasn't called Chocolate Thunder for nothing. I jus want to be comfortable again. I want to go in a store and pick up a nice, slim fitting dress and wear the HELL out of it without a thought.
Jovani will be resurrected. I guarantee that!
Until next time... 

Sunday, May 9, 2010

I'm Back-Happy Mother's Day

Back like I never left!

You have to excuse me for my absence blog-o-sphere. I've been going through some things in my life. Dealing with things going on with my job, the crashing of my computer, financial woes. You name it, i've battled it over the past few weeks, but like any strong woman..I RISE! (shout out to Maya Angelou)

Be it Mother's Day (still) I just wanted to convey some special messages that all good mothers need to know about all their hard work. And with that being said, I have written a cute little poem about Mothers... hope you enjoy it!

A Mother's special gift in life is the gift of life
A Mother's special gift in life is kissing away the pain
A Mother's special gift in life is teaching us how to love
A Mother's special gift in life is teaching us how to be strong
A Mother's special gift in life is not showing fear
A Mother's special gift in life is sometimes not a gift at all
A Mother's special gift in life is not practiced or learned
A Mother's special gift in life is knowing when you have to stand up and be heard
A Mother's special gift in life most importantly is caring.